Validation: Why do I care so much what people think?
I’m going to be honest, I have no clue yet. I’m writing this so maybe future me can have a little journal entry to look back on. I am no expert, just another face trying to make sense of all this.
That first statement on its own was hard enough for me to say. For the longest time I was so sure that I didn’t care what people thought and that none of it mattered to me. But at the same time, it’s not black & white.
Yes, I do care what my loved ones think of me. I whole-heartedly do not want to disappoint the people I care about. I crave their approval deep down.
“When we urgently aim to please other people, we’re seeking approval of self from outside sources. And whenever we reach for something in the outside world to give us what we should be giving ourselves, we set ourselves up for disappointment.”psychology today
This quote hit me hard because I have been living it almost my whole life. I externally seek validation and get my hopes up; this makes me more susceptible to disappointment: it’s that little gut feeling I have when I feel like my instagram followers don’t like something I posted about or it’s the feelings that consumes me when my mom isn’t the happiest with me for not doing my dishes right away.
I am looking for their approval, and I get engulfed with disappointment in myself that I’m not perfect.
I think the biggest thing here is not only a confessional to myself, but a reminder that we are not perfect (cliche but true). Finding validation within ourselves takes time. It’s a long process.
Step One: It all starts with self-awareness.
But the biggest first step is self-awareness & remembering that you are in control of your own life.It can make us more proactive, boost our acceptance, and encourage positive self-development (Sutton, 2016).
Self-awareness allows us to see things from the perspective of others, practice self-control, work creatively and productively, and experience pride in ourselves and our work as well as general self-esteem (Silvia & O’Brien, 2004).Positive Psychology
Realizing that we are in control and we each have the power to reset or relearn how we see things. I’m going to start my “self validation journey” with this first step and go from there.
Join me on my journey by hitting that follow button. We’re in this together.
Lots of love,